Connections with Each Other & God

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There is often a modern disconnect between parents and children that is quite disturbing.  Children spend time playing with tablets or on the computer or listening to their music or watching TV but there is little or no dialogue in the home.  Increasingly parents and children are living separate lives even though they live under the same roof.  The issue with music is very telling.  When I sampled a listing of preferred songs from our confirmation teens a few years ago I was shocked at the level of vulgarity and obscenity in the lyrics.  When I brought the issue to parents there were two main responses.  Some of the parents were surprised as they had no idea as to what their children were listening.  Generations earlier teens had huge speakers and stereos that announced to the whole neighborhood what music young people preferred.  Parents would shout, “Turn it down!” and “How can you listen to that garbage!”  Nevertheless, the music was tame compared to modern material.  Females today are called “b’s and hoes” and rape and murder are regular themes in the provocative and angry music.  Indeed, even the pop music drops the “f-bomb” and other obscenities.  Given that most music is downloaded as mp3s with no physical element like vinyl, tape or a disk— parents do not see what the kids are buying or pirating.  Further, the new technology makes music entertainment somewhat clandestine.  Music devices are the size of old matchboxes or just another application on phones.  Ear buds have replaced bulky earphones and a loud concert takes place in their heads while there is quiet in their rooms.  I urged parents to take note as to what their children were listening and to offer real guidance.  The response of surprise I expected.  However, there was also a response from parents I did not expect— some of them defended the musical choices of their teens and attacked me as being insensitive for offering a negative critique and possibly even racism against the black subculture.  Now it should be said that some of the vulgar music emanated from white singers and bands.  Nevertheless, instead of taking helpful criticism, they went on the offensive.  Parents have to make a fundamental decision— when it comes to the moral development of children, are you going to be part of the solution or part of the problem?

When computers and the internet first became fashionable, many concerned families placed the machines in family rooms to help avoid the temptation of watching pornography and other questionable sites.  This helped both children and adults.  However, today every tablet and phone is essentially a portable computer.  Indeed, many use them also as television sets.  How do families manage this technology in a way that preserves the purity and decency of children?  Even with virus and parental guidance software, how do we balance a desire to be protective while not violating personal freedom?  These are the kinds of issues that families as people of faith should discuss. The formation of catechesis at school and in the parish can quickly be sidelined or short-circuited by the non-Christian or anti-Catholic formation of the secular media and online predators.  Having a phone was once regarded as a privilege given an older teenager.  Today, even young children are being given devices, especially with the disappearance of pay phones.   Parents want a quick and easy way to stay in touch with their children.  Unfortunately, parents are not the only ones communicating with them.

I have seen teens at gatherings run away from their parents.  They complain about the rules with which they must abide.  Parents lament that their teenagers share little about their lives and refuse to talk with them.  It can be frustrating but parents should not surrender their power.

Do not give the kids everything they want.  Witness to them responsibility and good behavior.  Set down rules that have a definite purpose and never dictate in either a capricious or tyrannical manner.  Make your kids talk with you.  Keep insisting until they give in.  Do not be afraid to take away privileges when there is rebellion or misbehavior.

We often hear the moral exhortation about not going through the motions of faith for show.  Generally speaking, this is good advice because God sees the truth about our faith level and the intentions behind all the things we do.  Nevertheless, when it comes to family and the home, parents should both in word and action externalize their faith and values for the children to see.  This is no violation of humility, but rather an effort to establish a clear and positive pattern of living one’s Christianity in all the things we do.

Show your children what it means to be a Christian man and woman, a husband and wife, and a father and mother.  Do not be afraid of repetition.  This will help the youth to learn.

Given the current scandals in the Church, many are rightly demanding transparency.  This quality is also vital in the family as any duplicity will steal the value of any external witness.  As people of prayer, let the children see you pray and invite them to pray with you.  Mothers and fathers alike have an important role to play.  The father in Christian tradition is viewed as the priest of his home.  The children are his little flock.  He has a special obligation to protect and to nurture his family.  He must insure that the children know their catechism and prayers.  The wife is imaged as Mother Church.  She has a role to play to insure their relationship with Jesus and to appreciate the twofold commandment of love in all its implications.  Just as disciples in the Church have many differing gifts, so too does the domestic church or the family.  Divine gifts are given to be used.  Each has a role to play in the family’s growth in holiness and grace.

When children come to catechism class and they do not know their prayers, it is a sure bet that they are not praying at home.  Rather than condemning parents for their negligence, I urge them to see today as a brand new day.  It is in Christ that wayward lives can be turned around.  I tell parents repeatedly, pray with your children. Conversing with God— coming into communion or union with him— this is essential to remaining a believer.

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The Importance of Faith-Talk in Love

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The manner in which parents and their youth dialogue will change as members get older.  Parents take absolute charge over small children.  As the children become adolescents and teens, it becomes increasingly important that parents both speak and listen.  Parents are still owed respect and obedience, particularly while children live under their roof.  Youth need to temper their natural rebelliousness and desire for independence as they get older.  All should seek a level of patience and true understanding.  Parents need to do all they can to share their faith and values with the young.  However, there will come a time when they will have to let go and hope that it was enough.  Each of us is his or her own person.  Sometimes we will be disappointed or upset at the life-choices of others, but we should never close the door to love and affection.

We must understand that we do not absolutely control the dialogue or the faith-talk.  Given that the conversation genuinely reflects the truth of the Gospel, we must be disposed or open both to listen and to talk.  It is a prerequisite that faith-talk is backed up with an honest discipleship.  Hypocrisy will poison the best of moral arguments and exhortations.  Before we speak, we must first listen.  The conversation is not limited to the parent and the child.  They must both listen to the voice of God that speaks to us in Scripture and in prayer.  Our Lord tells us that there will be graced times when the Holy Spirit will give us the words to say.  Otherwise, the conversation will be entirely horizontal in its scope, focusing on the earthly needs and wants but bypassing the heavenly.  Indeed, if not properly informed, dialogue can become trite and consist of merely sharing banal platitudes.  A mutual sharing of ignorance does little to procure truth and wisdom.  Faith-talk must also engage the head and the heart.  It is insufficient just to be right; we must also be compassionate and merciful.

“‘This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines human precepts.’ He summoned the crowd and said to them, ‘Hear and understand’” (Matthew 15:8-10).

When we talk and share our faith and ourselves there is an element of self-donation.  A parent is to pour out himself so as to satisfy the thirst of the children.  What is this thirst?  It is many things— a desire for the truth, a yearning for transcendental meaning, a longing for acceptance, etc.  Preliminary to this faith-talk is having an ear to hear.  We must listen first to God and then to one another.  Too often we hear only what we want to hear.  Listening means a receptivity that alternately summons both satisfaction and great displeasure.

“Do you not yet understand or comprehend? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes and not see, ears and not hear?” (Mark 8:17-18).

Members of families may become afraid of what they might hear and they will try to run away— refusing to talk and to listen.  They may surround themselves with noise or distractions.  But running away is not really the posture of Christians.  We are called to take up our crosses and to follow the Lord.  Look at Matthew 16:22-23.  The apostle Peter is remembered for both listening and closing his ears.  After Jesus prophesied his betrayal, passion and death, Peter rebukes, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.”  Jesus immediately responds, “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”

What is the ultimate purpose of faith-talk?  A message is given and received.  Faith-talk is always a summons to greater understanding and fidelity.  It requires a response.  We must each answer the call given us.  Faith-talk is geared to a change or confirmation of direction.  We are called to action.  We are also called to a continuing transformation and growth in holiness.

“Whoever has ears ought to hear. To what shall I compare this generation? It is like children who sit in marketplaces and call to one another, ‘We played the flute for you, but you did not dance, we sang a dirge but you did not mourn’” (Matthew 11:15-17).

Within every calling there are other callings.  Each of us is to called to know Christ and to be holy.  That is the precious gift that comes with faith and baptism.  We all have differing God-given gifts.  We also have varying crosses— mental, physical and social.  While we can know the Lord’s grace, we are each wounded by weakness and sin.  It is within this that we receive our vocations to love and service.  While it might seem a contradiction, there are many paths on the one road to Christ. The specifics of one person’s journey may differ from another’s.  Hopefully, we are all going in the same direction, even if there are detours along the way.  Sharing our faith and values is important as it helps us to get our bearings when our journeys intersect the paths of other pilgrims.

Children will always be obliged to honor their parents, no matter how old they may become.  The nature of obedience changes, but respect and cherishing persons remains the same.  The deepest of pains a person can experience is when a parent is dishonorable or when a child hurts himself through rebellion or walking away from the good, the true and the holy.  Parents weep for their children.  Children suffer when parents fall from their pedestals of honor by giving bad example or by closing their hearts to them.

The expression faith-talk is deceptive because sometimes the conversation does not need words.  I remember a family that had lost their five year old son in an accidental pool drowning.  They did not speak English and my Spanish was poor and broken.  I sat with them and we cried together.  Sometimes just a presence can speak volumes about love.  Because of the incarnation, the human-connection makes possible the God-connection.  Family members can be there with each other.  Ministers and friends can enter this circle of love and help with healing when they have no words— yes, even when words get in the way.

When I think of unconditional love I recall the story of a poor woman whose son was sentenced to life in prison for murder.  When everyone was convinced of his guilt, she was the one person who never lost faith in her son.  Guilty or not, she loved him.  He insisted that he was innocent.  Since they were poor the court appointed a lawyer who quickly made a deal and manipulated the young man to take it.  The judge broke the deal and gave him the harshest of sentences.  Years went by and most forgot about the case— but not his mother.  She worked long hours mopping floors and scrubbing toilets for minimum wage to raise money for a good lawyer and a new trial.  She spent twenty years in fatigue and tears but never losing hope.  When she had raised what she needed, she got him an attorney who found problems in how the initial trial was conducted.  Still most thought she had wasted her life for a scoundrel of no worth.  But to her, he was the whole world.  As it turned out, the evidence was mishandled and a follow up investigation ensued where another man was found to be the real assailant.  Her son was released from prison.  The one person to meet him when he passed through the gates was this woman older than her years but filled with joy.  She had her boy back again.

This woman was a living parable of the Christ-story.  She sacrificed her life to liberate and save her son.  Such people show us the depth of unconditional love that God has for each of us as his children.  Along with all the other things shared by mothers and fathers, this may be the most important message to which they witness.  The mother in the story had few facts about the case.  Indeed, for all she knew, her son was guilty.  He did hang out with the wrong people.  He had committed a few juvenile offenses.  He was no saint.  But she became a saint to save him.  She sacrificed herself not because she knew he was innocent, but because she loved him.  Our Lord lays down his life for the guilty.  Again, it has all to do with unconditional love.

Questions for Parents

  • Your daughter comes to you in tears and reveals that she is pregnant out of wedlock?  Is your immediate response anger and condemnation?  Can your love for her and the unborn child overrule your anger and shame or would you counsel her to have an abortion and erase a mistake?
  • Your son adopts a swinging lifestyle.  Would you as a father boast about him “sowing his oats” or would you challenge him to be modest and to respect women as persons with dignity and as potential wives and mothers?
  • Your son lazily hangs around the house and will not get a job.  Would you nag him and label him as a bum?  Would you challenge him to step up, find self-respect, and give him assistance in moving forward?
  • Your teen drops out of school, starts drinking and taking drugs, hangs out with a dangerous crowd, and gets arrested.  Would you throw him out and disown him or would you seek intervention so that he might turn his life around?
  • Your kid tells you that he is gay or that she is a lesbian.  Is your response riddled with words of derision and strong disappointment?  Do you turn your back on him or her? Do you affirm that there is still a place in your home and in the church for your kid?   Most Catholic people who identify as LGBTQ want help to preserve the faith and family bonds.  Do you know how to love someone even when you cannot support all of his or her actions?  Are you willing to witness Christ as one who will never abandon such loved-ones on their life-journey?

 

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Never Be Too Busy for Each Other & God

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Families are very busy these days.  Husbands and wives work outside the home.  Many feel that two incomes are mandatory if they are to make it.  This lifestyle choice must be balanced with childcare needs and schools.  I have detected from some parents a below the surface resentment toward the homeschooling families where the wife and mother (but more rarely the husband and father) stays home to teach and to care for children. Similarly, a number of homeschooling families are negative about couples who both work and send their children to public or even parochial schools.  There should be a common respect toward all and the basic decisions that Christians make while still preserving their Catholic identity.  There is no one perfect formula for raising children. This is not to ignore the many wrong roads that families might pursue, especially when faith is eliminated as a factor in their lives.  Children may have been baptized, at the urging of grandparents, but millions have experienced no faith formation.  Such families do not pray together and if they go to Mass it is limited to Easter and Christmas.  News of scandals in the Church is taken as validation for the distance they have made with the Church, thus subduing any latent guilt.  The children know little to nothing about Jesus and the saints.  I knew one young woman who was raised in such an environment.  She came to see me as a priest when she wanted to get married.  Everything was about the accidentals of the ceremony; she knew nothing about the value of marriage as a sacrament that pointed to the covenant of Christ with his Church.  I eventually stopped everything to ask a basic question, “Who is Jesus?”  She looked at me with a blank expression on her face and said, “I suppose he was a nice man.”  That was all she knew.  She had no relationship with the God who came down from heaven, was made man by the power of the Holy Spirit, and who surrendered his life so that she might know the forgiveness of sins and eternal life.  Her baptism was treated as no more than magic or spiritual insurance.  No follow up had been made for faith formation.  It would be a long process for her to appreciate the third to get married— that Jesus must be the third ring linking the other two in her marriage if it were to be a sacrament.  Much would have to be unlearned and the vacuum of ignorance would have to be filled.  I did my best to bring her up to speed so that she would know the Lord as she should.  She had yet to appreciate that Jesus Christ was more than a nice man.  He was the Christ and our Savior.  Couples sometimes complain about the six month waiting period before marriage and the preparation required.  However, I not only think it is essential, it is probably not enough.  Pope Francis has suggested that given the impoverished faith of people, that marriage preparation should be more lengthy and in-depth, like RCIA and adult catechetical instructions.  We have to break the cycle of ignorance breeding another generation of ignorance.

One of the most devastating errors of modernity is that religion is peripheral to our lives.  No one has time for prayer and worship but there is always time for work and play.  Sporting activities take precedence over Sunday Mass.  Hundreds of dollars will be spent on concerts and ball games but there are complaints about the five to ten dollars that might be placed in the church collection plate.  Make people mad or say what they do not want to hear and even those few funds disappear.  If that were not enough, the Church has literally shot herself in the foot with the scandals surrounding clergy.

Not only must families make time for the religious formation of their children, by rights, they should be the principal educators in the ways of faith.  The question must be raised, “When do you as parents talk about faith with your children?” While there are parents doing what they are supposed to do, the response from others is often convoluted and unclear.  Why?  It is because this necessary discussion is rarely or not taking place.

How can we resolve this?  I think it is important for families to earmark time to talk about the faith with its members.  Let us look at some suggestions:

While Jesus and the apostles walked from place to place, people today drive almost everywhere.  We also spend a lot of time each day in automobiles.  Hours are spent by many commuting back and forth to work.  There are carpools for children going to school.  Families drive to sporting events, concerts, to vacation sites, etc.  While driving in the car, families can do more than listen to the radio, play on their tablets or list out-of-state license plates.  Families can turn off the gadgets and take out their rosaries.  Praying together is always a fundamental way of growing in the faith.  The mysteries of the rosary are literally signposts to the saving works of Christ.  Families can also talk about how things are going in their lives.  It must also be said, especially given accidents, that we should pray for safety before a trip and render a prayer of thanks at the end.  When I bless cars I invoke the Madonna of the Streets, sometimes humorously retitled, Our Lady of the Highways.  There are also customs that need to be kept while on the road.  When encountering a funeral procession, my father would pull over and we would say a decade of the rosary for the poor soul.  When we saw an ambulance, we would offer a quick Hail Mary for the sick or hurt person.  Whenever we drove before a Catholic church, we would make the Sign of the Cross.  Who knows, if such habits returned, maybe we would see a decrease in dangerous road rage?  If we must turn on the radio, there is nothing wrong with adding religious or Christian music to our driving experience.

We often look at sick time as time wasted.  We lose work hours and children miss school.  God frequently draws good from evil.  No one likes being sick, but we can still extract something positive from the experience.  Indeed, it can become a graced time for spiritual reading, prayer and bonding with children in faith.  It is also an occasion to ponder the sacrifices that Jesus made to redeem us.  Children often think that they are as invulnerable as the superheroes of comics.  However, in truth our mortality and dependence upon God is worthy of reflection and a discussion with family members.

It is said that instead of talking, families become comatose in front of television sets.  As an alternative to the latest sleazy cable show or formula comedy, parents could be more selective about their viewing habits.  Not only do they want to avoid bad witness in watching shows that degrade human dignity; they can deliberately find worthwhile programs and films that depict elements of faith and values for discussion as a family.  Indeed, some families even develop libraries of DVDs and put together their own discussion questions based upon them.  These films do not all have to be strictly religious like The Passion of the Christ or the The Song of Bernadette.  I have given retreats where we have discussed secular films with important messages:  The Boy Who Could Fly, The Mighty, The Perfect Game, Paper Planes, Spare Parts, etc.

There are also traditional times for prayer and gathering that should be utilized in forming the youth in faith.  Grace Before Meals and Prayers of Thanksgiving afterwards remind us that all we have is a gift from God.  Sitting together at the dinner table is not a time for texting on phones or playing on tablets.  Families should share a fellowship meal and share something about each other.  Often imaged as a place of confrontation, the family supper table should be viewed as a precious time for bonding.  That is why inviting a guest to dinner is more than just setting an extra plate.  It is an invitation to come into the intimate circle of the family.  The one guest that should always be there is the Lord.  Another traditional time for prayer is prior to going to bed.  A child should have the habit of saying prayers before going to sleep.  When children are young, parents should help them and pray with them.  When their children become teens it is still good to pray with them from time to time and even to discuss needs to be brought to the Lord.  Especially important in these discussions is the meaning of prayer itself as diversified communication with the Lord.  Too many reduce prayer to petition and neglect praise, thanksgiving and contrition.

Almost any time can be made a time for prayer, spiritual reflection and discussion on themes of faith.  Vacations are especially good because of the control families then have over the schedule.  Indeed, fun in the sun or skiing on the slopes can also become a retreat time with bible reading and special devotions.  Some families make a habit of visiting other churches and praying at religious pilgrimage sites.  Families should not worry about becoming religious “fanatics.”  That is a label or charge imposed by those with little to no faith.  You cannot love the Lord too much.  We belong to him.  He is a jealous God.  All things in this world are passing.  Faith in Christ assures our place in eternity.

One of my favorite “old time” television programs is The Andy Griffith Show.  Not only were the characters sometimes shown at church or praying or singing hymns, but there were also beautiful scenes of one-to-one time between Andy and his son Opie.  The fishing scenes were particularly memorable. When I think back to my own time with my father, a number of conversations come to mind.  My father was a simple man and yet he was a dedicated Catholic.  His faith was black and white with few grays.  He passed on his clarity to me.  He said, “Either get married or be a priest— that is it.  Never abandon the Church.  It would be better to die than to ever betray your Catholic faith!”  His views became my own. My mother complemented his faith with her own values for modesty and prudence.  Together, they taught us to be good and to treat others with respect.

My parents loved each other and sacrificed for their children.  They were dedicated to each other.  No matter what fights or discouragements came their way, they were utterly committed to each other.  They would have as many children as God would give them.  Marriage was until natural death.  Divorce was never an option on the table.  Our home became a real and secure refuge from the challenges to faith and the changing values of our society.

My father encouraged my vocation.  I became a priest.  I remember my father’s great joy on my ordination today.  Parallel to his views about the permanence of marriage, my father remarked, “You belong to the Church now.  You will be a priest, forever.”  My parents taught me to honor the dignity of persons and the sanctity of life.  They also modeled for me an abiding honesty in all my dealings.  They did not have much in the way of money and stuff to share, but they gave me and my siblings the gifts that most mattered— our lives, our faith and our values.

 

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Living the Faith for Our Children

church familyWe often speak about the failure to transmit the faith to children as entirely the fault of the culture in which we find ourselves.  However, this is only part of the challenge.  As ministers, teachers and parents we need an aggressive witness from our families and faith communities.  First, when it comes to those elements in society that are diametrically opposed to the Gospel, we must be visible signs of contradiction with a decisive and convincing alternative message.  We must quite literally become physical and spiritual roadblocks to those who would travel the path to perdition.  Further, we must find ways to make the truths of Christ more convincing and enticing than the exotic and sinful lures of the world.  It is in this that we become signposts to the proverbial “road less traveled.”  While walls against persons and immigrants are controversial; there should be no dispute for barriers against deadly sin.

“Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21).

If these poisons find a weakness in our fortifications then they will raid and destroy us from the inside.

Second, whenever possible, we must make serious efforts to either transform or to dilute the negative or neutral elements in society, making them work for us and not against us as believers.  This requires quite a bit of creativity.  For instance, one critic condemns Harry Potter stories as an introduction to witchcraft and Satanism; another tries to find Christian themes within the metaphors of fantasy.  Admittedly, it will never be as effective as THE LORD OF THE RINGS but since it is not going away, is there a way to read these stories and watch these movies within a Christian worldview and sensibility?  I remember years ago there was a priest on radio who would play the current musical pop hits while giving mini-sermons on them and sometimes pointing out where the sentiments in the songs reflected Christian themes and/or where they could lead us wrong.  Whenever possible, we should seek to further discussions with the young and not rely entirely on the language of prohibition.  The latter often appeals to the rebelliousness that is naturally characteristic of teens.  We cannot utterly protect our children from what our world holds out; however, we can better empower them to face modernity with knowledge and proper discretion.

Too often the negative attitudes of children and teens are merely mimicked from the patterns they observe in how their parents approach faith. Too many departmentalize the role of religion and its values while others practically dismiss it altogether.  Parents and families may not be entirely Sunday Christians and Weekday Devils; but they may lack any fire to take their faith on mission into the world around them.  While the image of the soldier and the Church Militant may not be popular today; we should be even more averse to being reduced to passive pawns of a secular and humanistic modernity that is in enmity with Christ’s kingdom.  The best of Christian parents have a real struggle on their hands and their offspring will be their “own” people; but those that never worship together at Mass, rarely pray and daily live as if there be no God— they have surrendered the battle for souls before it could even begin.  Divine grace may yet save their children, but it will be in spite of them.  It would be so much better if they were instruments for God’s gifts of faith and holiness.

Passing on the faith is not simply a head trip, although the importance of facts cannot be eliminated from the equation.  However, this process, if we can call it that, must be to energize the dynamic of the domestic church.  Parents and older siblings should model faith to the younger ones.  All are called to a genuine personal and corporate relationship with Jesus Christ.  Too often the weak faith of children is mirrored in the malnourished faith of the parents.  Many adults suffer from poor or bad catechesis.  Many do not pray as they should or have an impoverished notion as to the importance and meaning of prayer.  If the children have their catechetical books, do the parents have theirs?  Is daily family prayer a staple of their living?  Do families open their bibles so as to create inroads for God’s communication with them?  Do families talk about or even list the intentions that they bring to the Sunday liturgy?

What is the first step in trying to form the child in the faith?  It begins with a transformation and rededication of parental hearts.  Mothers and fathers must acknowledge their privileged vocation as Christian parents and the spiritual role that they should play.  If children are to be spiritually fed and guided, then parents must first be nourished and strong in the faith.  How many times have I heard parents say that they learned something by looking at their children’s catechism books?  This is not bad but it sad when a thirty or forty year old person admits that he or she only has a second grade level understanding of the faith.  It is even more bizarre when children come home speaking with enthusiasm about their encounter with Jesus and the parents are befuddled since they are essentially strangers to the Lord.  The first step in raising a child in the faith begins with the spiritual life and religious formation of the parents.  Their values will become those of the children.  Indeed, often the anger parents express toward children when they fail to do religion homework or when they do something sinful is misdirected— they blame children for what is really their own guilt.

Parents need to get themselves in order so that they will be there in an effective manner for the children.  I often tell parents to share their walk with the Lord in their faith-talk. Some people, usually those with hardened hearts, argue that asking for forgiveness is a sign of weakness.  However, the opposite is true.  It takes courage for a person to admit fault and to ask for forgiveness.  We are all sinners.  One of the greatest witnesses that a parent can give his or her children, especially during the teen years, is the willingness and honesty to admit fault, to fall upon one’s knees, and to trust in the strength and mercy of God.  Our children will also make mistakes and take wrong turns.  This witness will show them the way back home to the Lord.

Questions for Parents

  • Are you witnessing your faith as you should— married in the Church, going to confession, participating at Sunday Mass, leading your family at daily prayer, and involved with charity apostolates in your parish or community?
  • Do you truly cherish the gift of your sons and daughters, not only caring for their material needs but insuring their spiritual and sacramental formation?
  • Do you really see yourself as a role model of faith for your children and teens, or are you embarrassed by your failure to be a fully committed Christian?
  • What is the positive witness you give your children?  What negative examples do you show them?
  • Given the faith and values you live by now, how do you think your children will remember you?
  • How Catholic do you want your children and grandchildren to be?  Do you want them to be cafeteria Catholics and part-time Christians or would you have them ignited and on fire for Christ?
  • Do you ever faith-talk with your children or is there only silence?  How honest are you with your children when it comes to religion? Have your children ever called you out for duplicity or hypocrisy?

 

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Miscellaneous Parish Booklets

Attached is a listing of current booklets produced by Holy Family Catholic Parish in Mitchellville, MD.

ADMINISTRATION

WORSHIP

FAITH FORMATION

SACRAMENTS & RITUALS

FELLOWSHIP & ORGANIZATIONS

PRAYERS & DEVOTIONS

OTHER INFORMATIVE BOOKLETS

CLICK HERE for pdf listing:  Holy Family Publications 2018

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Short Introductory Videos on Baptism

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Bishop Barron on the Sacrament of Baptism

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Sacraments 101: Baptism (why we baptize)

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What is the Sacrament of Baptism?

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Sophia SketchPad: Baptism

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Pope Francis on Homosexuality & Consecrated Life or Priesthood

0002044The Pope’s Own Words:

The issue of homosexuality is a very serious issue that must be adequately discerned from the beginning with the candidates, if that is the case. We have to be exacting. In our societies it even seems that homosexuality is fashionable and that mentality, in some way, also influences the life of the Church. This is something I am concerned about, because perhaps at one time it did not receive much attention.

We have to take great care during formation in the human and affective maturity. We have to seriously discern, and listen to the voice of experience that the Church also has. When care is not taken in discerning all of this, problems increase. As I said before, it can happen that at the time perhaps they didn’t exhibit that tendency, but later on it comes out. The issue of homosexuality is a very serious issue that must be adequately discerned from the beginning with the candidates, if that is the case.

I had a somewhat scandalized bishop here who told me that he had found out that in his diocese, a very large diocese, there were several homosexual priests and that he had to deal with all that, intervening, above all, in the formation process, to form a different group of clergy. It’s a reality we can’t deny. There is no lack of cases in the consecrated life either. A religious told me that, on a canonical visit to one of the provinces in his congregation, he was surprised. He saw that there were good young students and even some already professed religious who were gay. The religious wondered if it were an issue and asked me if there was something wrong with that. I was told by one religious superior that the issue was not “that serious, it’s just an expression of an affection.” That’s a mistake. It’s not just an expression of an affection. In consecrated and priestly life, there’s no room for that kind of affection. Therefore, the Church recommends that people with that kind of ingrained tendency should not be accepted into the ministry or consecrated life. The ministry or the consecrated life is not his place.

We have to urge homosexual priests, and men and women religious, to live celibacy with integrity, and above all, that they be impeccably responsible, trying to never scandalize either their communities or the faithful holy people of God by living a double life. It’s better for them to leave the ministry or the consecrated life rather than to live a double life. When there are candidates with neurosis, marked imbalances, difficult to channel not even with therapeutic help, they shouldn’t be accepted to either the priesthood or the religious life. They should be helped to take another direction, but they should not be abandoned. They should be guided, but they should not be admitted. Let us always bear in mind that they are persons who are going to live in the service of the Church, of the Christian community, of the people of God. Let’s not forget that perspective. We have to care for them so they are psychologically and affectively healthy.

Statements are taken from an interview with Pope Francis conducted by Fr. Fernando Prado, director of Claretian Publishing House.

 

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Two Canvas Pictures Added to Meeting Room

Bobby Ramiro worked his magic in the meeting room today (November 18).

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He added two photos: (1) Photo of the Knights who participated in the fabrication of the Meeting Room from the old shed and (2) A stylized picture of two Filipino children portraying Jesus and Mary at our annual Simbang Gabi.

Posted in Church, Community, Knights of Columbus, Maintenance | Leave a comment

Where Do We Go from Here?

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A Proposal for the Future

I have a hard time believing some of the things I am hearing. I do not want to believe it all. The deteriorating situation signifies bad news in terms of our credibility in proclaiming the Good News. Again, what must we do? Msgr. Charles Pope writes:

“As a lower-ranking priest I cannot issue demands or send binding norms to those in wider and upper ranks of the hierarchy, but I do want to say to God’s faithful how powerfully aware I am of their justified anger and agree with their insistence that something more than symbolic action or promises of future reform is necessary.”

At the end of his August 13, 2018 article at the NATIONAL CATHOLIC REGISTER, he states:

“Remember, too, not every bishop or priest is equally to blame. Some are suffering as much as you are. However, no one, clergy or lay, should exempt himself from the task of summoning the Church to reform and greater holiness.”

That is exactly the case and I would like to applaud his courage and forthrightness in saying so. It is my view that only something drastic will make any difference in the current climate of anger and distrust. I am only a priest and maybe a poor one, but here are my suggestions:

  1. There should be a new review board given over entirely to the laity (men and women) where bishops could participate as observers and advisors (on ecclesial protocols as well as canonical and theological questions.)
  2. While certain facets of professional secrecy and the seal of confession would have to be respected, there should be no secret agreements and a general transparency in the process.
  3. There would need to be collaboration with the Holy See, not only to modify certain canons of the Church (returning to the explicit language of the 1917 code), but to create an independent canonical board and to facilitate canonical trials.
  4. This review board should also become a clearing house for charges against clergy, especially bishops; priests would be able to share what they know without fear of reprisal in their dioceses.
  5. There should be a general purge of those in the upper hierarchy who have tolerated active homosexuality or who have failed in their duty to protect vulnerable persons and the young from predator priests (through either silence or shuffling clergy elsewhere).
  6. There should be a bill of rights for priests to insure justice and due process in determining innocence or guilt along with a provision for legal representation (an innocent priest should not be reduced to bankruptcy in trying to defend his good name while Church lawyers defend bishops).
  7. Continue to insure that those who have abused or harmed minors would be permanently removed from Church ministries.
  8. Insure that all programs of priestly formation also include regular psychological evaluation from a therapist who assents to Church teaching on human sexuality, not minimizing issues like consensual heterosexual relations (fornication), homosexual acts, masturbation, pornography and/or a general discomfort around women.
  9. Forbid seminary formation to anyone who has committed homosexual acts and permanently remove any priests from ministry who violate their celibacy in committing them.
  10. Suspend a priest from active ministry who has violated his celibacy with heterosexual acts, requiring either his laicization or that he spend five years doing penance in a monastic environment along with appropriate counseling prior to returning to ministry in another (arch)diocese.
  11. Reparation for victims that brings some degree of healing and help to those harmed while not destroying the resources that rightly belong to those in the pews and to those assisted by our charity and justice initiatives. (Do we have to review the “corporate sole” model?)
  12. Promote policies that both protect vulnerable persons and yet insure fair and just treatment for those accused.
  13. As witnessed by Pope Francis, bishops should be required in all cases to live a very modest lifestyle with no more perks than those given to the poorest priest.
  14. A penitential reform within the Church that would fully restore the Friday fasting and abstinence practices of the past for everyone and add particular acts of penance (over and above this) for all bishops and priests.

15. A daily campaign of praying the Rosary and/or the Liturgy of the Hours for the sanctification of priests, the fidelity of the Church and the conversion of sinners.

16. Restore the Prayer of St. Michael the Archangel to the liturgy, either at the end of the bidding prayers or at the conclusion of the Mass. (Satan needs to be uprooted).

Reverse the Pyramid: Faithful Laity Can Save the Church 

When we discuss the makeup of the Church, we often draw a triangle or pyramid with the Pope on top, next the cardinals and bishops, next the priests and deacons, next those in religious orders and on the bottom the laity. The largest section is the bottom. It seems to me that we have our priorities reversed. Christ placed the emphasis on those served by the Church’s leadership. The pyramid should be turned upside down on its point.

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This is one of those situations where the good suffer along with the bad. The true “sense of the faithful” that is guided by the Holy Spirit is not with dissenters, but with the faithful laity and they are the ones through their prayers and intervention who will now make a difference. Everyone should pray for the Church. Dialogue with the bishops and priests must be fair and open. This is not a situation the bishops can fix. As one person said to me, “Their credibility is shot!”

I noticed online that a few of the Hollywood celebrities have added their two cents (mostly negative) to this crisis in the Church. It would seem to me that when it comes to scandal they should be the last ones to talk, but I suppose it makes good fodder for deflection. Pointing to the sins of others takes the attention off one’s own. Years ago when these scandals first broke, I asked an elderly priest (who has since gone to God) about such matters. He explained that he was surprised about the child abuse but that the problem of errant priests was not new. However, he explained, the Church treated transgressions (as when a priest fell with a woman) entirely as moral ones, not focusing on psychological issues or any kind of pathology beyond the man’s control. It was presumed that after a reprimand, going to confession, a retreat and a verbal assurance of repentance— that a priest might be returned to ministry. Evidently, when it came to some of them, and particularly regarding disordered urges and an attraction to youth, no such assurances could be trusted.

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There has been a great deal in the news about allegations of misconduct by Cardinal McCarrick. He has resigned from the College of Cardinals and Pope Francis has ordered him to pursue a “life of prayer and penance.” There is not much more that I can say about what has come out about Cardinal McCarrick. He was a great communicator and extremely charismatic. We clashed years ago when I openly opposed the practice of giving Holy Communion to pro-abortion politicians. I am still deeply troubled about such policies, although the scope seems to be expanding to include invitations for those in adulterous unions to take the sacrament and even to receive absolution. How can the mortal sins of enabling murder or committing marital infidelity properly dispose one for the divine mysteries? I shake my head. Maybe I am too stupid to understand? I promised him years ago that I would pray for him daily. Now, more than before, I am dedicated to keeping that promise.

The Pennsylvania Grand Jury Report on sex abuse in the Catholic Church was hard to read. I became overwhelmed by grief and wept. How could this happen? Priests are called “Father” and fathers are supposed to protect, nurture and heal their children. My next emotion was anger. Men broke their promises and they lied about it. Others were so afraid of scandal and litigation that they apparently kept silent. Was this the Church for which I sought to be a priest by entering the seminary 40 years ago? Our faith is ultimately not in weak men but in Jesus who is God come down from heaven to save us. Given all the negativity and the painful stories, how is it affecting the people in the pews? I orchestrated a monthly parish program on the saints. That is where we find the real legacy of the Church. We should focus on those who faithfully ran the race and won their crowns.

Years ago when I heard that Cardinal Donald Wuerl was coming to Washington I was delighted as I had been a fan of his catechism, The Teaching of Christ, going back to my college seminary days. His little book, The Mass: The Glory, the Mystery, the Tradition, co-authored with Mike Aquilina, is a real gem and a useful tool in teaching about the Eucharistic liturgy. As one of his priests, it is hard to hear all the criticism from his time in Pittsburgh. It seems to me that he did so very much to make a positive difference in protecting children. Did he stumble at some point? I am certain that there are many families and victims appreciative for what he tried to do for them. There has been some talk that the Grand Jury Report got a number of particulars wrong. I am not in possession of all the facts and so I will leave it up to others to figure out. I will keep him in my prayers, especially in the Mass, and urge our good people in the pews not to despair.

I am reminded of John Cardinal Newman’s work on the Arian crisis and St. Athanasius when so many of the bishops had fallen into heresy. He concluded that in the fourth century the laity were the heroes who had saved the day for the true faith. While the Lord will be the one to ultimately separate the weeds from the wheat or the goats from the lambs, we need to trust our good lay men and women today. I am not talking about dissenters but the homeschooling family, the teacher in the parish school, the volunteers running the bible study, the Blue Army lady always rattling off her beads in the lonely church, the teenager eager to serve Mass, the Knights of Columbus men who actively live out charity in communities, the virtuous souls who march for life and stand outside abortion clinics praying for the unborn and their parents, the reader faithful to his service, the altar guild ladies who help set up for the liturgy, etc. Allowing the laity to take the lead may be hard for bishops as it seems to be a surrender of their authority; however, in truth this is precisely the kind of humiliation that may restore their moral jurisdiction as servants of the Most High God.

Posted in Archdiocese, Church, Homosexuality, Penance, Politics, Sexuality, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Priest’s Reflection During a Time of Crisis

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When I was a boy pondering a vocation some forty years ago, I was intrigued by a pamphlet from the Divine Word Missionaries.  It chronicled a lonely priest with his mule carrying his Mass and medical supplies as he journeyed to a remote mountain outpost.  It detailed a religious version of “Indiana Jones,” years before the movie, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.  It grabbed my romantic imagination.  However, my poor mother grieved my leaving home and I settled on becoming an archdiocesan priest.  I do not regret the change in direction, especially now when “everything hurts” but sometimes I do wonder how different my life might have been.

I am amazed these days that we still have young men answering a call.  We have given them few heroes and one scandal after another.  It must surely be the movement of supernatural grace.

As I reflect upon my priesthood, I struggle with what has always been a dark shadow in my ministry.  I have never felt myself worthy.  No matter whether it were true or not, I always considered myself the worst of priests, a poor and weak example among a throng of virtuous saints in the faith.  We have preachers who can readily inspire and move hearts.  We have celebrants who both look the part and conduct the sacraments with great solemnity and seeming ease.  We have men who have apparently brushed aside distractions and are always about prayer and service.  When I look to myself, I see a man who forgets far more than he remembers.  My sermons are mediocre at best and my liturgical abilities come across as clumsy and amateurish.  I do not have much in the way of ambition and my attention easily strays.  I often talk to God not with typical or expected piety but much as one might irreverently talk to a friend sharing a beer.  Indeed, I recall telling God, “All I want to be is a humble priest” and hearing him in my heart respond, “Well you certainly have much about which to be humble.” I often imagine Mary cloaking me with her veil and telling me that she loves me even though I am the least of her sons.

I certainly recognize that sin in the life of any Christian represents a terrible duplicity where we are convicted as hypocrites.  What surprises me is how some of the clergy could have committed sins that literally cry out to heaven.  Self-destruction is truly awful; but hurting and tearing down others compounds the sin in a way that shatters the sacramental signification of the man in holy orders.  It places men into the mold of antichrists.  The current scandal has damaged the ability of bishops to govern the Church and of priests to proclaim the doctrinal and moral teachings which are constitutive of the Gospel.  Any hold we have upon God’s people is purely through their free consent.  There is no Medieval dictatorial religious state that can demand or force one to remain a Catholic or Christian.  Forfeit favor and good will— and churchmen will find themselves abandoned— with empty coffers and pews.  The direst effect may be the loss of souls.  When did we forget that our most pressing obligation is to realize the forgiveness of sins and the salvation of souls?

The Church is not a company where businessmen might do anything or everything to preserve revenue.  The Church is not a priestly boy’s club where members protect their leadership to the detriment of their flocks.  Our preoccupation should not gravitate to the powerful and the rich, but as in the ministry of Jesus to echo the universal call to salvation, albeit with a preferential option for the poor.  Clergy must also place the teachings of the faith ahead of their own pet ideas.  We are summoned to convert the world to Christ, not to compromise the kerygma of faith to the demands of subjective truth and a hostile secular modernity.  Indeed, our clergy and people alike must allow the courage of Christ to take precedence over their own passivity and fearfulness.  Much of the trouble we are facing is a crisis of holiness and belief.  Why would any churchman allow a known child-rapist an opportunity to bring harm to youth and families?  Why would we allow men who have disordered and perverse desires to minister and to threaten our people?  Fornication is a sin.  Adultery is a sin.  Homosexual acts constitute sin.  Perhaps many of the clergy have become soft upon such mortal sins because they too are perpetrators of such transgressions of the moral law?  There is no denying that there are also thieves, drunkards and gluttons among us.  But the sexual sins are the ones that most draw the ire of God’s people.  Indeed, I suspect the Lord, himself, is most troubled by these sins because they are a direct violation of a priest’s profound promise toward obedience and celibacy.  We are pledged to celibate love.  Do all our priests fully appreciate the meaning of their celibacy or do they simply experience it as a difficult discipline to endure?  It is not merely the avoidance of genital relations.  It is not the same as virginity and chastity.  Christian celibacy is a manner of self-donation and sacrificial loving.  It is the priest’s way of saying he belongs entirely to the Lord.  This love is expressed in worship, prayer, fidelity and service.  It is factored into everything he is about; it is the manner through which the good priest repeatedly says, to the Lord and to his people, “I love you.”  The priest prays his breviary— I love you.  The priest celebrates Mass— I love you.  The priest helps in outreach to the poor— I love you.  The priest preaches and teaches— I love you.  The good priest is consumed within his pledge of celibate love.  It is within this obedient and giving celibacy that the priest finds holiness in Christ.  The current scandals are not the fault of celibacy.  The answer would not be a married clergy.  The solution would be in loving fidelity to the priestly mission and to the truth.  The priest or bishop is not the master of the faith community, but its most profound servant.

Admittedly there are intimate and delicate matters difficult to speak about; so much so that they are often left outside of public deliberations.  Priests are men and they live in a world where the custody of the eyes is very difficult.  Priests need to earnestly defend their celibacy, taking threats seriously. Too many men and women probably excuse the habit of masturbation as part of a false contemporary enlightenment.  It should always be voiced in Confession; indeed, those elements that feed the sin need purification from the lives of God’s people, particularly from those called as priests.  Chief among the sinful contributing factors is the danger of pornography which is easily accessed and has taken upon itself epidemic proportions in modern society. It has even infected marriages where couples commit virtual adultery and then substitute sexual shenanigans other than the prescribed marital act. Pleasure is substituted for true fidelity and companionship with each other in Christ.  It is among the devil’s deceits that such secret sins do no real harm or necessarily contribute to a person’s movement into adulthood. While many contemporary psychologists would disagree, in truth, the man (or woman) in bondage to pornography and masturbation suffer a stunted emotional and spiritual maturation; they are caught within a juvenile self-absorption that inhibits an integrated sexual identity as a person able to fully realize his (or her) capacity to interact with others in love and service.

Turning toward the Lord, the priest must renounce the seductions of the world.  The priest’s hands are made for the chalice and host.  His hands render blessing and absolution.  The priest’s eyes should look at every person as a child of God.  He must never forget his spiritual fatherhood— even toward those who have ruined themselves by lust and exploitation.  The priest’s body is not made for pleasure but for sacerdotal sacrifice.  His association with Christ draws him inevitably toward the passion and crucifixion.

Many priests feel increasing estranged from those they serve.  This does not help matters.  He has sacrificed much to be a priest and it often seems that many if not most people really do not care.  Increasingly, while there is little praise, there is no shortage of rebuke or even mockery.  That is why efforts like those by the Knights of Columbus espousing solidarity with bishops and priests are so very important.  The laity should not be uncritical; they have a right to good and holy priests.  It is in this vein that God’s people should never hesitate to pray for their priests.  We must not allow the scandals and accompanying anger to destroy this important component to the inner life of the Church.  The priest does not pray alone.  According to our station in life, we pray for each other.  We should reject the false demarcations of the People of God as either an institutional Church or the Church in the pews.  The Church is one— she is a family, even if sometimes sinful in her members and dysfunctional in her practical relationships.

154250010567750063The definition of a priest is one who renders sacrifice to his deity.   The Catholic priest makes his oblation as the principal worship of the Lord.  He makes it both for himself and for others. Christ is the great high priest.  Those ordained share in his priesthood where Jesus is both priest and victim.  The priest at the altar is one with Christ (the head of the Church) who dies so that we might live.  He atones for sin and heals the rift between heaven and earth.  Jesus offers his own blood and dies once and for all.  The mystery of his oblation is made present in our liturgy, albeit in a clean or unbloody manner. The only thing missing from Christ’s historical sacrifice is our participation. The Mass allows us to return to that one-time offering where we (grafted to Christ) can offer ourselves to the heavenly Father as an acceptable oblation.  Just as the gifts of bread and wine are transformed into the risen body and blood of Christ; so too, are we beseeching the Lord to change us ever more and more into the likeness of God’s Son.

The efficacy of the sacraments is assured even if the priest is in mortal sin and a terrible reprobate.  However, this does not mean that the sacraments are still all that they should be.  The movement of grace is damaged by poor witness.  People disillusioned by their ministers can close their hearts and minds to God.  They may even walk away from the sacraments entirely.  The priest stands convicted at the altar of sacrifice.  As with the communicants, we must be properly disposed to what the sacraments entail.  That is why many of us are concerned about inviting everyone to the altar so as to receive the Eucharist.  The sacrament that heals and saves can also bring condemnation to those in mortal sin.

What does it mean to receive the bread of life if one is an active enabler of the culture of death?  Too many feign Catholicity within the church doors and then once outside become the chief advocates in the public forum for the death of unwanted unborn children.

What does it mean to partake from the nuptial banquet table of Christ and his bride the Church when one is living in violation of his or her own marriage vows?  Christ rejects divorce and demands that marriage between men and women reflect fidelity within the Church.  Are we witnesses to his promise or do we substitute our broken promises instead?

Currently there is also a great debate about the status of active homosexuals in the Church.  Nevertheless, priests, bishops and even popes do not stand above Sacred Scripture but rather below as servants of the Word.  What does the Word say?  We read in Paul’s epistle to Timothy:

“We know that the law is good, provided that one uses it as law, with the understanding that law is meant not for a righteous person but for the lawless and unruly, the godless and sinful, the unholy and profane, those who kill their fathers or mothers, murderers, the unchaste, sodomites, kidnapers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is opposed to sound teaching, according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, with which I have been entrusted” (1 Timothy 1:8-11).

Along with the concern that many of us have about welcoming pro-abortionists, adulterers and active homosexuals to take Holy Communion; the priest must also focus upon his own status before almighty God.  Is the one offering the sacrament of salvation to others bringing down judgment upon himself by celebrating the Mass unworthily? How is it that we can become comfortable with the prospect of priests standing at our altars while in mortal sin or not truly believing?

Christians in the early days of the faith were warned not to take part in the food offerings from pagan sacrifices.  Unlike the sacrifices of the Jewish temple or that of the Eucharist, these oblations to false gods were deemed as poisoned food given to demons.  It was customary in such sacrifices that a third was burned and given to the so-called deity, a third went to the priests (even the pagan ones) and a third was given to the poor.  Believers were warned against taking this tainted food.

While the Eucharist, by comparison, is all holy since Christ is holy, the liturgy can be polluted or corrupted by priests in mortal sin or who are closet atheists or who fail to give due  diligence about what they celebrate.  It does not matter so much as to what language or anaphora (eucharistic prayer) is used as long as the priest is one with the Church and faithful in the rubrics of the celebration.  He must be attentive to what he is doing and that care begins with himself.  The ordained priest should feel humbled by his role.  His priesthood compliments and makes possible the operation of the laity’s baptismal priesthood.  A basic symbolism of Catholic sacraments, centered upon the paschal mystery, is that we must die with Christ if we hope to live with him.  The priest’s celibate love is subsumed into this profound mystery.  When the priest processes to the altar, he should be fully aware and prepared for both Christ’s sacrifice and his own— he is Jesus Christ entering Jerusalem— he is coming to the altar to die.

 

Posted in Church, Faith, Homosexuality, Pastor, Politics, Prayer, Pro-Life, Reconciliation, Sexuality | Leave a comment